OK, who can find themselves in here?


Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96
year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts
up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year
old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She
shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," as she
knocked on her wooden table for good measure. "She then yells, "I'll come up
and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_______________________________________________

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man
replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have
a beer."
___________________________________________

WHAT A CHOICE

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As
she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,
she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the
soup."




OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they
were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad
at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of
your name! I've thought and thought, but I can' t remember it. Please tell
me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes
she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need
to know?"
_____________________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of them!"
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DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself " I must be losing it I could
have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light
was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it!

She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light
was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and
said, "Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three red lights in a
row? You could have killed us both!"


Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"
______________________________________________________

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has
been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the
dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal
and even the accelerator!" she cried
The dispatcher says, "Stay calm, Ma'am, an officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."